MIA

I know I’ve been MIA. I don’t know how often I’ll ever post on here again.
I like to voice my opinions and talk about how I feel, but I don’t like people being judgemental and worrying about me.
It has been a number of months since I’ve last posted. I was just looking through some of my old blog posts and it made me realise how much my anxiety did affect my life, even 2 years ago.
I’m doing a lot better right now. I see a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, my GP and I’m still of medication. I still have some tough days but I get through them. I really want to be able to do new things without panic attacks and being very worried.
Things are going well right now. It’s getting close to the end of the year, it’s almost the end of term 3. I also have an amazing supportive boyfriend.

I’ve recently been thinking a lot about my life. Schools seems to want to get us all thinking about what we want to do with our lives. I still don’t really know. Some days I think about making some kind of website/ blog where I speak about my personal experiences with anxiety, give advice and post positive stories of what’s happening in the world. Whether that actually happens or not, I’m not too sure.

Until next time… chins up!
– Jacqui

Where have the stars gone?

night sky

I remember when I was little, people would tell me how the stars were slowly disappearing. I didn’t really believe them, and I didn’t really want to. I would look up into the night sky and think ‘There are a lot of stars up there. How could they all go away?’. I knew what they meant, technology is growing so so fast. It wouldn’t be long before we replaced the night’s breathtaking natural sparkling lights with our own synthetic ones.

It wasn’t until a few nights ago when I was coming home at night and that I happened to look into the night sky and remembered what I used to be told. I’m not lying when I say it wasn’t a cloudy night, and all I could see were a couple of stars shine through. It’s just so sad. I remembered about a story of my year 5 camp.

Back at year 5 camp, we had a movie night. It finished at around 10:30 which was pretty late for us back then (we were only 11). We all got up to leave the hall felling a bit rebellious seeing as how late it was. I clearly remember walking back to my cabin and stopping and looking up into the night sky completely stunned. We were out in the country, away from the city lights, and in the complete darkness I could see the entire sky. I could see all of the stars shining so brightly. It looked like it would never end. I was so excited! My favourite teacher walked past and I mentioned to him how we could see so many more stars form out here than in the city. He agreed.

Compare the city night sky back then up to now. It has changed a lot.

Space has always interested me. It’s so infinite and big. We know nothing about. And we are so small.

I feel like we’re at a bit of a loss.

- Jacqui

F*ck the System

I’m having one of those times in my life where I have a lot of realisations. This happens to my quite often actually.

explode

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I realised how negative I’ve become. Most of my thoughts are instantly negative and I think it’s because of the people I’m around. Sometimes friends, sometimes family, sometimes the god damn internet. I’m trying to change that around but it can be hard.

Since it’s been school holidays over the past 2 weeks, I’ve had a lot of spare time to myself which has meant trying to keep myself busy. I’ve played a lot of Xbox, watched a lot of YouTube videos, played a ridiculous amount of guitar, gone for walks and made lots of unnecessary food. I really don’t know what to use up my time doing. I’m kind of going through this stupid phase where I don’t understand why we have a system which tells us we have to get an education and get a job and work for the rest of our lives (If we’re lucky enough to that is). I’m not saying I’m not grateful for all of these things… I just don’t wanna waste my life working. Especially working a job I don’t enjoy – because let’s face it, that’s all adults complain about most of the time. The biggest question of my life at the moment according to my teachers is – what do you want to dedicate your life to doing?

Of course we can find hobbies. We could plant a garden or maybe even have a crack at singing, we could collect coins or old stamps. I just feel like there’s so much going on in my head sometimes that I can’t find happiness in watering plants or worrying over which kind of cake to bake.

I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal that Stacey told Tracey who told Lizzy that Kay said she didn’t want to invite Bec to her party. Who cares it’s not gonna kill anyone. I’m sure Bec would have a better time going out on her own anyway or staying home and watching a movie.

I don’t know how to put some things into words sometimes. I guess there’s no real way out so I’m going to have to try and enjoy this so called rollercoaster known as life.

Now I just have to accept it.

- Jacqui

Happy Easter for those who celebrate it :)

easter-eggs

Go Me!

So, as I mentioned, I turned 17 on the 20th of March.

On the weekend that just went by, I saw my dad and had a big family dinner. It was pretty good I guess. I got some pretty cool gifts.

It’s generally been good.

I had to go to the doctors the other night for a checkup. I had a blood test done a few weeks ago and the only thing that showed up was low iron levels. I’ve always had a thing with low iron levels. The doctor advised me to eat more read meat and to take some iron tablets. I’m fine with eating the meat, but I’ve never been able to swallow tablets. Only teeny tiny tic tac sized ones. Mum and I bought some and I had a go at swallowing one last night and somehow managed it. I don’t know how, but I was pretty pleased with myself.

Another exciting thing that happened today was getting my English written piece back. I got an A which really really surprised me!

The last thing I just wanted to say was that I discovered this app called QuizUp. It’s an app with quizzes with hundred of different topics and you can try and beat people from all around the world! It’s really cool! I’d definitely recommend downloading it and trying it out. If you do, please let me know if you like it or I could add you on it!

Hope you’re having a good day :)

- Jacqui

This or That

Hey all!
I love these blog tags. They’re super fun and give me something to do. They also give you a chance to learn more about me, if you’ve really run out of things to do on the internet… :p I was tagged by Tiara.
 
1. Hair up or down?
I always wear my hair down because in primary school we were forced to have our hair up. This pretty much scarred me for life. So yep, definitely hair up!
 
2. Dessert or fruit?
I’d definitely have to say dessert, for 2 different reasons. 1 – I actually can’t eat much fruit at all. I tend to get this strange reaction (I’m not lying I’ve been tested!), and 2 – dessert is always so yummmyyy!
 
3. Dress or shirt and sweatpants?
Shirt and trackies. It’s a no brainer.
 
4. One Direction or Jonas Brothers?
To be honest I don’t really listen to either of them. Which ever can actually play instruments and don’t use auto-tune, if either of them can/do.
 
5. Radio or iPod?
I love both. I love to see what people are listening to or talking about, and find out about things that are going on in the world. Although I love listening to my own music…
 
6. Sleepover at your house or your friends house?
Hmmm, I love going to my friends but I also love the comfort of my own home. I’d probably say my place.
 
Cookies or Apples?
Coooooookies!!!

No Snow or Snow?
I’ve never actually seen snow in my life. I’m going to take a chance and say snow. It looks so pretty! I’d love to make a snow angel and snow man!
 
Cookies or Cupcakes?
These questions are getting card. I love both. Can’t I just have both :'(
 
Playing Cards or Painting?
I always played with cards as a kid. It was heaps of fun. I would teach myself magic tricks and build castles! I also love art and painting is so much fun and creative!

In a board game, would you rather be a green piece of a white piece?
I’d say white. White is cool. I’ve never really liked the colour green.
 
So yeah, they were all the questions. Feel free to answer them yourself! If you do, please leave me a comment so I can check it out :)
 
- Jacqui!

Weddings Days

Last Saturday my cousin got married!

It was so beautiful! She’s in her late twenties as well as her new husband – so still quite young. She’s Italian and he’s Australian so there was a wide range of people but that only made it even better!

Unfortunately day wasn’t the best weather wise – it was raining throughout the day and at the reception which was outside at a winery under marque. It’s was still so much fun!

I haven’t been very active as I’ve been dealing with my fair share of teen dramas.

I thought I’d share this great song called ‘Rocks’ – by Imagine Dragons. I love it and find it really uplifting and fun to listen to. It’s kind of like a party for your ears if you listen to all the different sounds carefully :)

It’s also my 17th birthday tomorrow so I’m kind of waiting around for that and to see how the day plays out. I’m not too excited right now – it’s kinda weird. I hope this year beats my birthday last year. I’m sure it can. Last year was kind of crap.

Let me know what you think of the song :)

- Jacqui